piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
me + whiskey = a bad person
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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