She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I need moral support for this bender
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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