I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Buhtt sex?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
