note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Let's get the cat blown out
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
