you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
