I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I enjoy the company of your penis
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
