okay pat passed out under dana's car
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
