I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
