And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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