There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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