My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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