I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
