Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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