i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
