Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
