i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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