so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
