so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
