who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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