matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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