I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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