What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
