to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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