Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It's blow job season.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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