Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
