so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize