You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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