I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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