I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My pussy is not your playground.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
