remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i've created a new STD.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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