mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
