My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
