I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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