When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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