he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
