Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize