I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
