you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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