so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
