You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Randomize
