It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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