So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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