Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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