You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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