At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
