So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
