I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
