So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
