well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
