He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
