i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Green mimosas i think yes
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
