Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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