just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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