people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
