I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
