I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
