I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
