If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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