no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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