it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize