he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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