you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
