The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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