cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
