What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
