elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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