I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize