Banned from zoo.
Again?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
If I die, sorry about rent.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize