In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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