the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
