You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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