I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
